No-one can ever know about this. I can't tell her.
I must tell her. But she'll leave me.
She knows, and she's not leaving. But she must never see me like this.
She has seen, but she will never accept this.
She accepts, but she will never support me in this.
She supports me, but people who don't know me must never see this.
People who don't know me is one thing; but my friends can never know.
My friends are actually cool with it. But I can never tell anyone at work.
My boss was surprised, but supportive. But I'm not sure about my colleagues. I cannot tell them.
My colleagues are supportive, but they are not ready to see me.
They've seen me. It's all good.
...
Clothes are one thing, but changing my body with hormones is something else. Something I can never do. Something that's impossible.
She won't support me in this.
She supports me. But surely the doctors won't let me. There'll be some reason they come up with why I can't go ahead.
Time passes. We're going ahead. Things are happening, my body is changing.
Huh, I've got an awkward change to introduce at work; to unveil the next phase. People will baulk, will mock, will disrespect, will abuse.
Here goes:
They were fine. No-one said a thing.
...
Hormones and body shape is one thing, but changing my body with surgery is something else. Something I can never do. Something that's impossible.
She won't support me in this.
She supports me. But surely the doctors won't let me. There'll be some reason they come up with why I can't go ahead.
...
And you're up to date with my transition.
Spot a pattern yet?